Joy & Sadness

Still doing great! I am very much in love with God and desiring to go farther. I just need to spend more time in study now. My husband & I are under such a strong attack right now. It seems like the people who are the most against us are those who should actually have our back. I am so grateful for close friends that I can share my heart with. I am thankful that they can see truth and I have not totally lost it. It hurts to have people you work with stab you in the back, but then they crucified Christ, right? The Bible tells us to love each other, lift one another up, and with humility bring correction. We are not suppose to base our actions or our words on jealousy, anger, or opinions. The church should not look so much like the world. Yet I would not leave the Church for anything. I am so much better because of Jesus, regardless of how people behave. My prayer is simply this: "Teach me to love the way You love, Lord. Give me wisdom to discern right from wrong. Help me to never hurt another person the way I am hurting right now. Amen"

Freedom! (& deliverance)

God is absolutely amazing! I am more in love with Him than I have ever been. I have to start blogging again because I just can't even find enough ways to express the joy I have. I've never known the joy of the Lord like this before. It truly is my strength. I am free. No worries, no fear, no anger. WOW! I went through a deliverance 5 days ago. I know, I know, very controversial. I'm so tired of hearing all the different opinions on deliverance. Honestly, I can't find proof for or against in the Bible. All I can say is this: if everything said and done in that room was done to glorify Jesus and His name and I have been set free - then I really don't care who thinks it's real or not real. If that's where God had to take me (or let me go) and now I can see fruit and He gets the glory? That's all I need!

The fruit: He is on my mind all the time now. I've been able to do things I used to be afraid of (ignore bugs, etc). My eating habits have completely gone from insane to healthy - I can actually resist the temptation to keep eating. I care what I look like - use to leave the house not caring how I represented (no makeup, old clothes). I'm HAPPY. I want to worship. I WANT to care for my husband and child - used to get mad everytime I cleaned up after them. My husband looks at me different. For the first time in my life I feel equipped to walk in destiny. Not that I can suddenly do it, but that I believe in the call on my life now and feel able to be trusted with such a call.

All the junk in my life is still there - work, pressure, opposition - but I am different. And I thank Jesus of Nazareth, the Son of the Living God for changing my life.

God is GOOD!

WOW! Four months since I've blogged?? Maybe blogging isn't my thing. I love writing and wish I could find more time to do so, it just seems so very hard to find time to do things I love that aren't currently necessary. Anywoo, I need to update since so many things have changed. The company we worked for outside of Aiming High did not close, but downsized alot. We were laid off, it has been a struggle financially at times, but God is and has been (and always will be) so faithful. We have not had to go without necessitites. And it has given us the opportunity to go full time into ministry, which is where our hearts desire has always been.

Jody is in a band now and they are playing their first gig this Saturday. We started a youth ministry last summer and it is growing and we are able to put lots of time into it, which I love. I have a weekly drama ministry now and that is like living a dream. So many things are stepping into place for us right now. It is an exciting time as we wait to see what the Lord is doing.

I have to testify - Our daughter is in a school for modeling/acting (that someone paid for her to attend). Last week, she came home crying because they rated her outfit "fair." She is supposed to dress in business attire and just doesn't have much of that in her normal teenage closet. She was crying because she wants to be her best, yet knew that we had no money to go buy clothing. 2 days later, I went to work and someone had given us a $500 donation to our family. Once again, God proved Himself to our child. He is SOOO GOOD!

11 Days Later!

I had no idea it had been 11 days since I wrote! How does time go by so fast? I have not done well with my "Love Dare" challenge. After writing the last time, I got stuck on the next one - doing something they needed done (basically). that was tough and it took me a couple days to find something - then last week my husband got very sick and I taught his class for him. Then I moved the book and totally forgot that I was doing this. Occassionally I would remember, but wouldn't have the book near me so I've been on vacation for the past week. Hopefully I can jump back in now. My book is safely back in my bedroom and in reach to be read on a daily basis.

It's been quite a week. One of the ministries we work with is very likely closing down. We have both been laid off with no notice. I know that our needs are met and God will take care of us, but I also know it's so close to Christmas and we have other bills that we will not be able to pay without a mighty move of God. The awesome things in all this - we serve a MIGHTY God. 'Nite!

Love in laundry

Yesterday I needed to do something "just because" - for no reason other than the fact that I choose to love him. I do "just because" things a lot because that's my love language - random acts of service. I feel more love coming home to washed dishes than a dozen roses. (I know, there may be something wrong there!) It's just who I am. For me, an act of kindness (or service) says that he thought about me, thought about how he could help me, and loved me enough to do something that he didn't have to do. Anyone can buy flowers - I want effort. Anyway, since I tend to do what speaks love to me already, I had to think of something that would really show I was doing this for no reason other than love. So, I did . . . are you ready . . . his laundry. Go ahead and laugh. I'm serious.

You have to understand that we are not a "typical" family. To get things done around our house in our limited time at home, we have to have assigned "Chores". Also, I am pretty picky about how I want things done, so I have to assign things that can be done correctly or I end up doing them over anyway. Also, when we moved this year, the laundry room is outside and not in the greatest condition. So I would rather stay away from the laundry room - which makes laundry the perfect job for my hubby! The bad side of this is that he has enough clothes to last a good 3 weeks where I need clothes washed weekly. So when things are really busy, I end up doing my own laundry on my work from home day. Well, we've been in one of those busy periods and my husband is about out of clothing - so I chose to do his laundry. I wanted to do something that would absolutely show my love - I think I picked it. I was able to get all of it washed, dried, and folded before he came home yesterday.

It took him a while to notice, but that's OK - it's not his love language and besides, it was done for love, not attention, RIGHT?

Day 9

While I recommend that anyone wanting to improve their marriage should do the Love Dare, I don't recommend doing it the way I do. Do NOT take a month to work through 1 week! I am being convicted that while I am doing a good thing, it is becoming obvious where my priorities lie. I love my family very much, but taking on this project is showing me how much I allow ministry, work, cleaning, etc to fill my days and thus it takes me a week sometimes to do one Dare. I am making a greater effort to do the dare each day. I believe the most important thing is that we keep going and not stop or give up, but I will work harder to do the devotions/dare more regularly.

The days are going well. I have had times of self revelation and honesty. I started Day 9 three days ago but don't feel that I've had the opportunity to really complete the task, so I'm focusing on Day 9 today. I have noticed over and over, that every time I make an effort to be pleasant or kind that it is never received negatively. I'm noticing that I can stop a lot of the dissension that we do have (not that we have very much) by refusing to respond in a negative way. Most of our disagreements are caused by one of us being defensive instead of understanding. I am grateful that we don't fight often, but I desire to stop the petty, needless stuff. There is so much more to living than always having to be right. I want to spend more time enjoying the incredible gift that God has given me in my family.

I'm running behind.

I realized yesterday that I'm actually on day 8 now. I guess that's what happens when you don't stay consistent! Day 6 took me several days to complete because it required time and I'm not so good with that. Before this, the dares have been simple tasks that require very little effort - or they're fun and you don't mind doing them (like shopping)!! But day 6 requires you to sit down and think, take a look at yourself, and write some stuff down. I was more than willing to do that, it was just making the time to complete the task that was my problem. I don't have an issue with looking at my faults and weaknesses - I reached the point a long time ago of wanting change, fun, and contentment over hiding and avoidance. I admit I need work - so I spent some time going over where I need to adjust my schedule - still not sure how I'm going to do that - and looking at how I react to certain situations and what that means. I discovered there are still some character defects in my life that I would rather not have. I still have some pride and selfishness that needs to be released. The awesome thing is - God loves me so much, He won't let me stay this way.

That's my prayer today. That the Holy Spirit continue to search my heart - and remove any bitterness, hurt, pride, fear (and so on) that still remains. Bring to my attention when I'm about to say or do something for the wrong reasons. Help me to be a better example of who you've taught me to be. In Jesus' Name. Amen